Everyone Needs One Strange Watch

Regular readers may recall our popular pre-COVID post Everyone Needs One Weird Watch. It’s true now more than ever. We’re living in exceedingly weird times. A period of human history where wearing a strange watch makes perfect sense. As Chicago asked, does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody care? If you do, look away now. If not, hey ho, let’s go!

Ziiiro Aurora Grey – $99

I’m red-green color blind. I don’t know if most people find the Ziiiro’s color combo nauseating. For my part, let’s just say I’m glad I don’t drink anymore. More to the point, the Aurora Gray looks like Hal from 2001 with an eye infection.

I should tell you how the Aurora Gray works. I’m sorry Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that. Luckily, watches.com can.

The Aurora displays time using two transparent gradient discs. By overlapping both gradients, it creates a new array of unlimited stylish color tones that will catch attention whether at the beach or going out on a date.

Resting [lugubriously] on a bracelet strap, it combines silicone and metal to form a flexible bracelet watch.

Strange that the seller recommends taking the Ziiro to Beach Blanket Bingo – the watch is about as water resistant as a Sunday newspaper. (Ask your Dad what that is.)

Unfortunately, the Aurora Gray’s “two-pole stepping motor [provides] accuracy of +/-20 s/month worn under normal circumstances.” These are not normal circumstances. This is not a normal watch. Do the math.

Xeric Leadfoot Automatic Gunmetal Green Limited Edition –  $1000

It’s a parking meter! It’s a vintage radio! Of course not. The name of this strange watch and its fuel gauge give the game away: the Leadfoot is a driver’s watch.

The really cool bit – and by “cool” I mean “ridiculous” – are the two additional timekeeping elements hanging off the front of this strange watch. Like this:

While the photo evokes Commander Cody and the Lost Planet Airmen’s Hot Rod Lincoln – if not Clint Eastwood’s masterpiece Thunderbolt and Lightfoot – I’m reasonably sure you’re supposed to wear the Miyota-powered Leadfoot whilst motoring.

The Leadfoot Automatic features a side-viewing display that can be seen as the wearer has their hand on a steering wheel.

Called it! If only the sides were a stopwatch. The Leadfoot will certainly stop admirers from asking if you have a sense of humor, but not gasping and laughing when you tell them the price.

Raketa “Russian Code” 0275 LE – $1629.09

Nice watch, right? Minimalist three-hander, conservative case, nicely knurled crown, elegant if slightly wacky numbers.

Podozhdite! The Arabic numbers are backwards! Pravdivaya istoriya. As you probably guess, that’s because the Raketa Russian Code’s hands run counterclockwise.

Did you know that the laws of astronomy make the Earth and all the other planets turn in a counterclockwise direction around the Sun?

The limited edition of 300 Raketa “Russian Code” watches offers a new evolution of time-reading – where time moves in harmony with the natural counterclockwise movement in our solar system: a special automatic movement makes all the hands move in a reverse direction around the dial!

You can also notice the moon, at the tip of the second hand, turning counterclockwise around the Earth exactly like it goes in reality.

Don’t be fooled by this horological agitprop. It’s call the Code, remember? See those “astrological” markings? FSB FTW.

Then again, if that’s the level of “code” our Russian adversaries use, the CIA has nothing to worry about. After a few days, even a low-level analyst should be able to read the time from a satellite image of their target’s wrist.

Then again (again), the watch may have stopped or show some totally random time. Who can remember to turn the Raketa’s crown towards themself to wind the watch and away to set the time? Some three-hundred people, presumably. A strange watch for strange people.

We’re all kind of strange now. As the old Russian proverb goes, Бе́шеной соба́ке семь вёрст не крюк. For a mad dog, seven versts (a Russian mile) is not a long detour. Or something like that.