Watch Phobia Explained

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Justin Beiber's watch phobia inaction

timeandtide.com’s article Chronomentrophobia is the fear of clocks and watches. My son might have it. So what’s it all about? is a hoot. Unless you have the condition, of course. As a hypnotist, I can tell you that a watch phobia is nothing more or less than an inappropriate survival response (blood flow changes, adrenalin rush, etc.). It’s easily cured; people who have phobias are, by their nature, hypnotic. Check out this video . . .

Ignore Outkast’s assertion that chronomentrophobia is a fear of time. As T&T points out, that’s chronophobia. There are other watch phobias (not really phobias but I’ve got an artistic license here somewhere) that afflict those of us who collect (own?) watches. Here are my three top less well known watch phobia . . .

Rolexoratiophobia

Watch collector

This term does not mean “fear of people talking about Rolex” (Latin for speak is loquere). While that’s an entirely legitimate concern at certain watch owners’ group meetings, oratio is Latin for “collect.” Rolexoratiophobia is the fear of collecting Rolex.

The phobia has various aspects. First, there’s the fear of collecting too many Rolex. Our man Klosoff likens the current Rolex shortage and pre-owned pricing to the Dutch tulip mania. It’s easy to get caught up, buying Rolex after Rolex because they “never lose value.” Because everyone and their mother recognizes Rolex as “the” status watch. Spending – OK losing – lots of money in the process.

Rolexoratiophobia is the fear of surrendering to Rolex addiction. Those of us prone to such things know the score. (Click here for another sad tale of watch addiction.) Rolex is always there, whispering to you. Got an OP39? Love it? You’re gonna LOVE the new Submariner no-date.

There’s also the fear of not collecting enough Rolex. I only have two! My collection needs more! And the big Kahuna: fear of collecting the wrong Rolex. Damn! Is the Kermit, Pepsi, Batgirl or Hulk the right Rolex to buy? Shouldn’t I buy a vintage Rolex instead? What if it’s a Frankenwatch (Rolex case, substitute parts)? What if Rolex owners laugh at me? If you constantly read about Rolex, you may have Rolexoratiophobia. Just sayin’ . . .

Sonuitetammultisphobia

Fred Flntsone's boss - no watch phobias here

Google translate says “sonuit” is Latin for “wristwatch.” Did Romans wear sundials on their wrists (a la Fred Flintstone)? “Etam multis” means “too many.” The resulting phobia – the fear of owning too many watches – may be almost impossible to pronounce [sober] but it’s easy enough to understand.

Sonuitetammultisphobia (sew-new-eat-teh-ate-tam-multiss-phobia) is suffused with worry, regret, remorse and remonstration (from significant others as well as oneself). Did I really need that watch? Where the Hell am I going to put it? Why did I spend that money on a watch in the first place? I should have bought a Rolex! (Yes there are compound watch-related phobias.)

Collection

The most terrible question of all: when will I stop? It’s bad enough having a watch addiction, sonuitetammultisphobics constantly worry about their addiction. They try to avoid watch websites, podcasts, dealers and fellow phobics; as well as their own collection. If there’s a treatment for this addiction you won’t find it here. (Private clients welcome.)

Scalpitphobia

Safe queen?

This one’s not watch specific, but hits our hobby hard: fear of scratches. You know: you buy a new watch. It’s pristine. Not a mark on it. No fingerprints. No scratches. The moment it gets ONE scratch, it worth less. Not worthless. Worth less. Worse, it’s no longer perfect.

I tried to sell readers on the joy of Wabi-sabi in my review of a fellow cigar smoker’s Lange 1. For the sake of sanity, mine and yours, I’ll let wikipedia.org do the honors this time:

Rock garden

In traditional Japanese aesthetics, wabi-sabi () is a world view centered on the acceptance of transience and imperfection. The aesthetic is sometimes described as one of appreciating beauty that is “imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete” in nature. It is a concept derived from the Buddhist teaching of the three marks of existence (三法印, sanbōin), specifically impermanence (無常, mujō), suffering (, ku) and emptiness or absence of self-nature (, kū).

Did you notice the word suffering in there? Yeah, me too. A watch phobia is the burden we enthusiasts must bear in our endless pursuit of . . . something. Which inevitably ends in death. If we accept and apply that realization it offers a bit of solace – or inspires us to buy/not buy a timepiece and experience all these bad feelz. Yeah, it be like that.

2 COMMENTS

  1. Widespread sonuitetammultisphobia (thank you, cut and paste) is surely linked to the availability of internet watch pornography and online ordering. I’m pretty cure there are several online influencers who have taken names embodying the fear/addiction.

    I had no idea that this Veronika’s watchcase photo contained all Rolex watches. I suspect I have a mild case of chronometroprosopagnosia, or clockface blindness.

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