HoDinkee’s “How to Wear It” Jumps the Pretentiousness Shark

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Courtesy hodinkee.com

Oneupmanship is HoDinkee’s stock in trade. Regular readers quickly learn that it’s not good enough to have “a” watch. You have to have “the” watch. Chasing the horological dragon is less addictive than opium, but not by much. To reassure readers that their watch addiction is not just OK, it’s wonderful, the ‘Ho has launched a new feature: How to Wear It. Check this out…

I often wear high waisted, baggy dress pants with double pleats because they make me feel like Katharine Hepburn, but I wear them with a sweatshirt or a pair of sneakers. I am dressing to embody a mood or feeling not to literally emulate a 1930s leading Hollywood lady.

Courtesy hodinkee.com

This SS23 Dior double breasted suit is the perfect nod to the more formal spirit of the watch but the unique design – which features a removable interior scarf that mimics the style of the sleeves, accented by a Christian Dior Couture woven label, and creates a double collar effect, also – is by no means traditional. I broke up the look with a white ribbed tank top and sneakers to make it look less stuffy.

The watch getting the nod from the SS23 Dior double breasted suit? The Cartier Tank Cintrée.

Unquestionably, it’s a dress watch. Cartier’s $23k yellow gold manual-winding timepiece can’t withstand Bond’s Martini-making process or a light London drizzle (though the alligator strap would be right at home).

No matter. HoDinkee‘s Style Editor would have you believe dress watches like the Tank Cintrée maketh the man, biological or otherwise. If the watch is part of a carefully constructed, complementary ensemble. For the moment.

“Dress watches aren’t as fashionable to the masses these days, but Cartier is certainly having a moment both within and outside of the collector community thanks to celebrities like Tyler the Creator and Timothée Chalamet, who ensure these vintage Cartier pieces continue to look contemporary.” 

Ms. Crawford’s pretentious prose and pompous preening add putrid pungency to ‘Ho Dinkee’s prosaic pimping. In other words, the Style Editor is unintentionally hilarious. Here’s a sight gag proving the point: a pic of Ms. Crawford’s celebrity crush wearing a vintage Cartier timepiece.

I’d love to hear Ms. Crawford sing the praises of that outfit. And explain why anyone would give a damn about, indeed notice this fashion victim actor’s vintage timepiece. And while she’s [not] at it, please tell me why it’s OK to wear a Cartier dress watch with, gasp, a grey sweat suit.

The tension between the irreverence of a sweatsuit and the intentionality of a Cartier Cintrée hits what I deem to be a convergent fashion sweet spot.

Courtesy hodinkee.com

It suggests a certain sort of carefree attitude that has been emulated again and again since the beginning of Ivy/preppy fashion.

Wearing expensive (or expensive looking) accessories with a completely unassuming outfit suggests a certain type of blazé approach towards wealth. As if to say, I don’t need to care when I’m wearing my $$$ watch because I have plenty more where that came from.” 

Unless Ms. Crawford is boxing clever – it’s hard to imagine her in the ring, but not impossible – the word the Style Editor was looking for was blasé. Peutêtre insouciant. Or maybe she should have called it the “I don’t give a flying fuck” approach to wealth.

Ms. Crawford’s assertion that wealthy people don’t care about wearing expensive watches because they have loads of them tells us she’s unfamiliar with the non-fashion sensibilities of the movers and shakers, the one percent wearing “preppy” gear with fabulous watches.

Bill Gates’s Casio (courtesy whatxyz.com)

Truth be told, really rich people wear expensive watches with “unassuming outfits” (and vice versa) because they don’t give a flying fuck. They don’t care what anyone thinks about what they’re wearing. They don’t need to. They like their watch. They wear their watch. End of story.

And that, my friends, is true style. A style you can adopt right now, with whatever watch you already own. Dress, sports, digital, Apple, Casio, whatever. Wear whatever watch you like, when you like, with what you like. Find your own style. Or no style. Don’t try to fit in fashion, horological or otherwise. Not unless you want to sound (or look) like Carrie Bradshaw.

Of course, Ms. Crawford couldn’t say that. Heaven forfend! That undermines HoDinkee’s entire raison d’etre: whipping-up and channeling the endless, competitive consumerism that generates watch sales. We can expect Ms. Crawford to share her fashion insights for many years to come. To paraphrase David Bowie’s song Fashion, she is the goon squad and she’s coming to town. Beep-beep!

5 COMMENTS

  1. when i started reading…and then watching, hodinkee years ago they were a watch publication. but about 5 yrs ago it became clear they were putting their chips on selling the stuff they were chatting about, and of course conflict of interest was given a more ringside seat. alas, i realize this is the name of the game and breeze through almost all the spotlights and articles they offer, to the increasing paucity of ones that interest me. but endless articles on the trendiest pastel watch, and g-shocks in the latest case treatment, are a bit easier to see as the watch has no case (an emperor reference) than hodinkee might realize. hence turning themselves into something overripe for your satire.

  2. I like Crawford’s work, but I had to laugh at how she tried to avoid defining preppy. She has been given the unenviable task of trying to help expand the market for Hodinkee. Rolex Subs and Omega Speedmasters are great, and I think Hodinkee has a lock on that market, and that crowd. However, if Hodinkee is trying to move more Cartiers, they should consider Andy Warhol, who wore a Cartier Tank and never wound it. How do you sell to a collector like that? I don’t think Hodinkee or Crawford is capable of cracking that code.

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