Unlike the U.S. Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force and NASA, the United States Space Force has zero heritage. No history of courageous battles or Right Stuff stuff. But there’s a Netflix series that made the USSF the butt of a thousand jokes. The four-year-old Space Force needs all the positive PR it can get.
Why not a USSF-branded watch? All the other military branches have timepieces celebrating their existence – from “field” watches to flight timers to deep sea divers to moon watches. Milspec/outer space watches are cool! At least in theory.
Enter MICROMILSPEC. Two years after the Orange Man launched the USSF, the Norwegian watchmaker began collaborating with Uncle Sam’s outer space guardian on the official Space Force Timepiece. Two years after that, here it is, raising some important questions.
Why would a brand with the word “micro” in its name use all caps? Why would a military organization defending the world’s most advanced digital technology puts its name on an analogue watch? Did the Norwegians forget to mention that the majority of young Americans can’t read an analogue watch?
Talk about missing a trick. If the USSF is anything – and for millions of oblivious Americans it isn’t – it’s high tech (space lasers and shit). With the advent of the all-conquering Apple watch, if an analogue watch is anything, it’s retro. Putting the USSF’s name on an analogue watch is like slapping the McDonnell Douglas logo on a blimp.
The Space Force Timepiece tells the time in one time zone (assuming you know how) and the date. Provided you don’t buy the watch with the black-hole-black bezel, you can time an hour-or-less event with stellar imprecision. Speaking of the final frontier, the Force’s logo looks like Star Trek’s. How great is that?
MICROMILSPEC’s designers sprinkled four or five randomly placed stars on the dial and squeeshed the Force’s motto – Drive A Supra – into the inner chapter ring. Wait. It’s Semper Supra. “Always in a Supra.” Sorry. “Always on top.” Which isn’t the best motto for a military obsessed with its LGBTQ+ transsexual community.
The dial’s swirly motif harkens back to the days when the finest scientific minds thought the Earth was the center of the solar system. The words “Swiss Made” at the bottom celebrate the non-NATO nation that launders money for America-loving kleptocrats and cartels.
According to MICROMILSPEC, the Space Force watch’s hands were “inspired by the dynamic plume of a launching rocket” that “add a unique, space-themed touch to the timepiece.” If “unique” means used on millions of watches, and anything vaguely rocket-shaped qualifies as space-themed, then sure.
The caseback claims 10 ATM water resistance – good for Earth-bound water activities up to snorkeling. It also offers space at the bottom for custom engraving. As above, I suggest Periculum Will Robinson! (Danger Will Robinson!).
Whether or not the Space Force watch will wind itself in zero G or function in a -455F vacuum is not specified. I think it’s safe to say the official USSF Space Force watch is less cool than outer space and the out-of-this-world activities space cadets do on a daily [planet] basis.
MICROMILSPEC’s official Space Force Watch is a “limited release,” only available to U.S. customers. The watchmaker ain’t sayin’ how many they’re going to make. If the Space Force had commissioned an app for the Apple Watch they could have appealed to an installed customer base approaching 200m. Just sayin’.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: culture eats strategy for lunch. Judging from this watch, the United States Space Force doesn’t have a culture. Here’s hoping they have a strategy.