The media calls Nike’s new Adapt Huaraches “self-lacing” sneakers. Not to be pedantic, the FitAdapt technology-equipped kicks don’t actually lace themselves. Little motors inside the shoes — and I didn’t just make that up — tighten or loosen the laces for easy ingress and egress and comfort. And now buyers can control the Huaraches from their Apple Watch! Nike reckons you need this . . .
“FitAdapt into the fast-paced, quick-shifting world of the everyday athlete — offering the personalized comfort needed in, say, the sprint to catch the bus, before seamlessly shifting fit as you settle into an empty seat with a sigh of quiet relief.”
Now it would be cool if the shoes did that their damn selves. They don’t. The athlete riding public transportation (because he spent $350 on Nike Adapt Huaraches and $400 for an Apple Watch) has to use his smartwatch to achieve the lace-related “quiet relief.”
But don’t worry! Nike’s FitAdapt app is Siri controlled. I wonder what fellow bus passengers will make of “Siri, loosen my laces.” Maybe they’ll figure they’re sitting next to the world’s laziest human — or getting a gander at mankind’s next great technological leap forward. We report, you deride.