New Apple Watch 5 Revealed


Apple’s unveiled the new Apple Watch 5 and there’s plenty to get excited about — assuming you’re an excitable boy (or girl). The watchface is always on, saving Americans an enormous amount of effort and stress. Well, not totally always on. The display stays dim until you swing the 5 facewards. But wait! There’s more! Not a lot but some . . .

Cupertino’s smartwatch will be available in steel, titanium or ceramic cases. You can also choose the accompanying band from the git-go (I choose Little Feat). An automatic alerts you that your band of choice is TURNING YOU DEAF.

[I love the warning message: “Repeated long-term exposure to sound at this level can . . .” And that’s where the character dies without revealing the murderer. Or something like that.]

Apple Watch 5 shows you the way. Ish.

You can download apps straight onto your 5. There’s a compass mode, which tells you roughly which way to go to get a smartwatch with sophisticated GPS tracking and a big sky friendly display. And you can now track your menstrual cycle, should you have one.

And . . . that’s about it, hardware and features wise. The big news here is what the new Apple Watch 5 doesn’t have.

Always on Apple Watch Series 5

Ironically — given the ad copy above — the 5 doesn’t have an onboard sleep tracker. That was always going to be an issue because of the Apple Watch’s limited battery life, and now it isn’t. Because the Series 5 doesn’t have a built-in sleep tracker app.

As we noted, a sleep tracker’s not a solution to insomnia, but it would have been a lucrative solution to the public misguided belief that it is.

You’ve never seen a¬†watch like this, Apple’s website proudly proclaims. Uh, yeah, we have. The 40 and 42mm 5’s look just like the 40 and 42mm 4’s.¬†Pleasing rival smartwatch makers no end, the 5 is still the same shape. To paraphrase the Beach Boys, it doesn’t get around.

Nothing rad here, but a surefire hit. Because Apple. Oh right, prices. It’s $399 for the aluminum GPS 5, $499 for the aluminum LTE 5. Stainless steel 5’s start at $699, titanium 5’s clock in at $799. Ceramic 5’s start at $899. The store is back up so . . . wait for the 6?


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