Watch Guide Fail – Men’s Health

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U-BOAT - not on the watch guide

In the pursuit of horological truthiness, I see a lot of watches. And plough through a great deal of regurgitated press releases, pretentious twaddle and simple-minded pimpery. The 25 Best Watch Brands for Every Man’s Budget falls into the latter category. The Men’s Health’s watch guide is so bland I thought I’d wandered into CostCo. I hadn’t. I wandered into nonsense . . .

Shinola

Shinola - watch guide choice for Men's Health

“Built by hand in Detroit, Shinola is an All-American brand through and through.”

How did Timothy Houser – “a New York-based writer specializing in fashion, style, grooming, travel, and so much more” – miss the controversy surrounding Shinola’s branding?

Shinola watch ad

Shinola made its fortune promoting itself with the tagline “Where American is Made.” In June 2016, the Federal trade Commission issued a cease and desist order against Shinola, forbidding them from using the slogan.

The FTC also ordered the brand to publicly disclose the fact that it uses imported parts. Hence their May 2017 post on their Journal website begins with “All Shinola watches are built in the U.S. with Swiss and other imported parts.” China? Thailand? Vietnam? Somewhere.

Shinola Detroit ad

Needless to say, Mr Houser’s watch guide had nothing to say about the Texas-born and based brand’s Detroit-flavored messaging, relentlessly exploiting The Motor City’s “Comeback Kid” rep.

Inc.com sure did. Their scathing expose – The Real History of America’s Most Authentic Fake Brand – condemned Shinola’s shtick as “manufactured authenticity.”

Tom Kartsotis

After spending most of his career slingshotting between Texas and Asia, [Shinola founder Tom] Kartsotis had set foot in Detroit only a handful of times.

Having mastered manufacturing halfway around the world, he had, at moments, considered establishing a watch factory on U.S. soil. “I talked about it, but never got cracking on it,” he says.

Watch guide - Shinola factory

Whether or not Mr. Kartsotis built a watch factory in Detroit – whether or not Shinola can legitimately claim to be an American brand – depends on what you call a “factory.” Pre-COVID, Shinola claimed to employ some 400 “watch assemblers.”

I’m sure the facility’s genesis had nothing to do with Shinola’s “Made in America” PR disaster or the marketing campaigns highlighting its largesse and their employees’ comeback stories. Just as Mr. Houser’s watch guide had nothing to do with making money from affiliate links.

In July 2019, Shinola started laying off employees and closing stores. Expanding the brand from watches to “lifestyle” products has increased their reliance of foreign manufacturing. One thing’s for sure: calling Shinola “an All-American brand through and through” shows Mr. Houser’s ignorance, laziness or collusion.

Speaking of national identity issues . . .

Panerai

Panerai - Men's Health Guide

“A Panerai is about as Italian as watches come,” Mr. Houser writes, introducing the watchmaker to newbies reading Baby’s First Watch Guide.

To be fair, planting the Italian flag for potential Paneristi is an easy mistake to make – if you only read the first part of the first sentence of Panerai’s wikipedia entry.

Panerai Luminor Marina alight

Officine Panerai is a luxury Italian watch manufacturer, and a wholly owned subsidiary of Compagnie Financière Richemont S.A . . . 

The company is headquartered in Geneva and manufactures watches in Neuchâtel, Switzerland using both movements manufactured in-house and movements manufactured by ETA S.A.

You could say Mr. Houser is more or less right. Panerai is famously – but not practically or legally – Italian. Coraggio amico! Panerai was born in Italy! Its timepieces have Italian style!

Sorry, but even discounting Gucci and Bvlgari, Panerai is not “as Italian as watches come.” That honor belongs to U-BOAT. Its timekeepers are made in Tuscany.

U-BOAT didn’t make Mr. Houser’s watch guide. Meanwhile, jomashop.com is discounting the [true] Italian watchmaker’s models. Just as you may discount this rant as self-indulgent cavil. If so, at least it’s honest self-indulgent cavil.

Seiko

Seiko - watch guide choice

“New in the business world and want to make a good impression with what’s on your wrist?” Mr. Houser writes, sounding like a 1950’s TV ad, pretending that the economy is hunky-dory. “Seiko is a fantastic option for the young guys looking to dress like a total boss. They’re classic, clean, and handsome pieces that will catch your bosses attention without being too flashy.”

I’m not sure if Mr. Houser has ever worked in a large company, but dressing like a total boss is not the best way to catch the boss’ attention. In fact, since #metoo, dressing to “catch the boss’ attention” reeks of sexual harassment – one way or the other. It also suggests that physical appeal is acceptable currency in the workplace.

Seiko Prospex Diver

Equally, how many of Seiko’s 14 billion models qualify as “classic, clean and handsome” (a great name for an LGBTQ+ law firm)? Most, but definitely not all. OK, that’s nitpicking. But if not me, who?

The majority of the descriptions in Mr. Houser’s watch guide are inoffensive to the point of pain. I draw your attention to his opening salvos to remind you that watch “journalism” is ill-informed, misleading, corrupt and dumb as a box of rocks. Our job is to do better. Truth be told, we could hardly do worse.

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1 COMMENT

  1. Ah, Men’s Health, the women’s magazine for men. Those weirdos choose a black Daniel Wellington, a brand known for nearly blank white dials, and then find a silver dialed Movado, known for that black museum watch. Plus they found a plastic fantastic swatch with goldtone hands! The little letters SWISS MADE on the shown Panerai image should have been a clue, but I guess the brand name does end in two vowels.

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